Voted best Joke!

Subject: How did we elect his guy?

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work".

The German doctor says: "that's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work".

The Russian doctor says: "gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work".

The United States doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. Five years ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in Britain

--

Kevin Ryan, Ph. D.
Professor and Director Emeritus

Center for Character and Social Responsibility

Boston University

Good one...

USMC Best
Joke of the Year
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A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was
conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here and coming south was a heavily armed
insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches
along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"

And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands when a truck hit us.

Worst joke..

I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night. They were called "Bomb Jovi".

They were brilliant. Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.

Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.

I was interested so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well, that was when the fight started!

Very funny..

Subject: Funny Stuff....but some truth to California's way of thinking!

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog on a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control . Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while the Fish & Game Commission conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.

*********************************************************************

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

Obama Care

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.

The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. 

Upon the completion of the act the man
catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vain is easier for the
surgeon to locate and sever.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.

BEST POLITICAL JOKE OF THE SEASON

   George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.


While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.


The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.



Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a
check.



Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.



Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.



When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.



The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Best Political Joke ever

BEST BAR JOKE

BEST BAR JOKE EVER

>

> 'Guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there's a robot bartender!

>

> The robot says, "What will you have?"

>

> The guy says, "Whiskey."

>

> The robot brings back his drink and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

>

> The guy says," 168."

>

> The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and

> medical technology.

>

> The guy leaves, . . . but he is curious . . . So he goes back into the bar.

>

> The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

>

> The guy says, "Whiskey."

>

> Again, the robot brings the man his drink and says, "What's your IQ?"

>

> The guy says, "100."

>

> The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser, the Saints and LSU Tigers

>

> The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will

> try it one more time.

>

> He goes back into the bar.

>

> The robot says, "What will you have?"

>

> The guy says, "Whiskey," and the robot brings him his whiskey.

>

> The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

>

> The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

>

> The robot leans in real close and says, "SO, . . . you people . . .

> still happy . . . with Barrack Obama???"

Ever read the constitution?