Obama Care

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.

The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. 

Upon the completion of the act the man
catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vain is easier for the
surgeon to locate and sever.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.

Maximums:

1. In my many years, I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
-- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
-- Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-- Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
-- G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
-- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
-- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
10. Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
-- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan (1986)

12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-- P.J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
-- Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
-- Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain (1866)

17. Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-- Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class...save Congress.
-- Mark Twain
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-- Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have.
-- Thomas Jefferson

COMPOUND IN MARIJUANA STOPS CANCERS

Marijuana. CBC photoWe've known about medical applications of cannabis (or marijuana) for years, but the research findings of two scientists studying it have the potential to change the deadliness of cancer forever. A cannabis compound known as cannabidiol can stop metastasis in many types of aggressive cancers, found the researchers from California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco.

Cannabidiol (CBD) is a non-toxic, non-psychoactive chemical found in the cannabis plant, that had already been effective in relieving convulsion, inflammation, anxiety and nausea, and in treating schizophrenia and dystonia. For the 2007 study, Sean McAllister, who was specifically studying the effects of cannabidiol, collaborated with Pierre Desprez, who for the last 10 years has been studying the ID-1 gene in cancer that causes metastasis.
Metastasis is when a cancer spreads from the primary tumor area to other parts of the body, typically using the bloodstream or lymphatic system, and is one of the hallmarks of a tumor becoming malignant.
"What we found was that his Cannabidiol could essentially 'turn off' the ID-1," Desprez told The Huffington Post. "We likely would not have found this on our own," he added.
"That's why collaboration is so essential to scientific discovery."
[ More Geekquinox: Robotic tuna to defend U.S. ports ]
Since publishing their study, the two went on to study the effect of CBD on other cancers.
"Now we've found that Cannabidiol works with many kinds of aggressive cancers — brain, prostate — any kind in which these high levels of ID-1 are present." said Desprez.
Since CBD has already been safely used by people for other ailments, the two hope that clinical trials can begin soon. However, treating cancer metastasis in this way requires more than just lighting up.
"We used injections in the animal testing and are also testing pills," he said. "But you could never get enough cannabidiol for it to be effective just from smoking."
The two are now working on synthesizing the cannabidiol in the lab, rather than using samples from the plant, which should not only make it more potent, but also hopefully clear any obstacles at getting the drug approved.

JUST A SHOTGUN

Subject: Just A Shotgun

You're sound asleep when you
hear a thump outside your bedroom door.
Half-awake, and nearly
paralyzed with fear, you hear muffled
whispers.

At least two people have broken
into your house and are moving your way.

With your heart pumping, you
reach down beside your bed and pick up your shotgun.

You rack a shell into the
chamber, then inch toward the door and open it.

In the darkness, you make out
two shadows.

One holds something that looks
like a crowbar.

When the intruder brandishes it
as if to strike, you raise the shotgun and fire.

The blast knocks both thugs to
the floor.

One writhes and screams while
the second man crawls to the front door and lurches outside.

As you pick up the telephone to
call police, you know you're in trouble.

In your country, most guns were
outlawed years before, and the few that are privately owned are so stringently
regulated as to make them useless..

Yours was never registered.

Police arrive and inform you
that the second burglar has died.

They arrest you for First
Degree Murder and Illegal Possession of a Firearm.

When you talk to your attorney,
he tells you not to worry: authorities will probably plea the case down to
manslaughter.

"What kind of sentence will I
get?" you ask.

"Only ten-to-twelve years," he
replies, as if that's nothing.

"Behave yourself, and you'll be
out in seven."

The next day, the shooting is
the lead story in the local newspaper. Somehow,
you're portrayed as an eccentric vigilante while the two men you shot are
represented as choirboys.

Their friends and relatives
can't find an unkind word to say about them..

Buried deep down in the
article, authorities acknowledge that both "victims" have been arrested numerous
times.

But the next day's headlinesays it all:
"Lovable Rogue Son Didn't
Deserve to Die."

The thieves have been
transformed from career criminals into Robin Hood-type pranksters..

As the days wear on, the story
takes wings.

The national
mediapicks
it up, then the international
media.

The surviving burglar has
become a folk hero.

Your attorney says the thief is
preparing to sue you, and he'll probably win.

The mediapublishes reports that your
home has been burglarized several times in the past and that you've been
critical of local police for their lack of effort in apprehending the suspects.

After the last break-in, you
told your neighbor that you would be prepared next time.

The District Attorney uses this
to allege that you were lying in wait for the burglars.

A few months later, you go to
trial.

The charges haven't been
reduced, as your lawyer had so confidently predicted.

When you take the stand, your
anger at the injustice of it all works against you..

Prosecutors paint a picture of
you as a mean, vengeful man.

It doesn't take long for the
jury to convict you of all charges.

The judge sentences you to life
in prison.

This case really happened.

On August 22, 1999, Tony Martin
of Emneth, Norfolk , England , killed one burglar and wounded a second.

In April, 2000, he was
convicted and is now serving a life term...

How did it become a crime to
defend one's own life in the once great British Empire ?

It started with
the Pistols Act of 1903.

This seemingly reasonable law
forbade selling pistols to minors or felons and established that handgun sales
were to be made only to those who had a license.
The Firearms Act of
1920expanded licensing to include not only handguns but all firearms except
shotguns..

Later laws passed
in 1953 and 1967outlawed the carrying of any
weapon by private citizens and mandated the registration of all shotguns.


Momentum for total handgun
confiscation began in earnest after the Hungerfordmass shooting in 1987.

Michael Ryan, a mentally
disturbed man with a Kalashnikov rifle, walked down the streets shooting
everyone he saw.

When the smoke cleared, 17
people were dead.

The British public, already
de-sensitized by eighty years of "gun control", demanded even tougher
restrictions.
(The seizure of all
privately owned handguns was the objectiveeven though Ryan used a
rifle.)

Nine years later, at Dunblane,
Scotland, Thomas Hamilton used a semi-automatic weapon to murder 16 children and
a teacher at a public school.

For many years, the media had
portrayed all gun owners as mentally unstable, or worse, criminals.
Now the press had a real
kook with which to beat up law-abiding gun owners.
Day after day, week after week,
the media gave up all
pretense of objectivity and demanded a total ban on all handguns.
The Dunblane
Inquiry, a
few months later, sealed the fate of the few sidearms still owned by private
citizens.

During the years
in which the British government incrementally took away most gun rights, the
notion that a citizen had the right to armed self-defense came to be seen as
vigilantism.
Authorities
refused to grant gun licenses to people who were threatened, claiming that
self-defense was no longer considered a reason to own a gun.
Citizens who shot burglars or
robbers or rapists were charged while the real criminals were
released.

Indeed, after the Martin
shooting, a police spokesman was quoted as saying,
"We cannot have people take the
law into their own hands."

All of Martin's neighbors had
been robbed numerous times,
and several elderly people were
severely injured in beatings by young thugs who had no fear of the consequences.
Martin himself, a collector of
antiques, had seen most of his collection trashed or stolen by
burglars.

When the Dunblane Inquiry
ended, citizens who owned handguns were given three months to turn them over to
local authorities.

Being good British subjects,
most people obeyed the law.
The few who didn't were visited
by police and threatened with ten-year prison sentences if they didn't
comply.

Police later bragged that
they'd taken nearly 200,000 handguns from private citizens.

How did the authorities know
who had handguns?
The guns had been registered
and licensed.
Kind of like cars. Sound
familiar?

WAKE UP AMERICA; THIS IS WHY
OUR FOUNDING FATHERS PUT THE SECOND AMENDMENT IN OUR
CONSTITUTION.

"...It does not require a
majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush
fires in people's minds.."
--Samuel
Adams

If you think this is important, please forward to
everyone you know!!!


Even If you don't have the brains to realize
that this is important, please forward to everyone you know,
anyway!!!



And there are stupid people in
congress and on the street that will go right along with
him.

Gov. purchased 3 bullets for every man, woman and child in US

Feds Stockpiling Ammo

August 28, 2012 AFP

Is Washington prepping for widespread unrest?

By Victor Thorn

Is the federal government, which is tasked with protecting the United States inside the confines of our borders, preparing for a domestic war in the coming years? In the past three years, officials have stockpiled over a billion rounds of military-grade ammunition, leaving many people to wonder why the feds are in possession of so much deadly firepower.

As part of its ominous sounding Homeland Battlefield Bill, Congress authorized the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to purchase 200M rounds of ammunition in 2009, including double-ought shotgun shells, followed by another order of 450M hollow-point bullets in March 2012. This second transaction was made with ATK Armament Systems, the world’s largest ammunition manufacturer. Not satisfied, DHS officials issued a solicitation request for 750M more rounds of ammo.

Hollow-point bullets are so lethal the Geneva Convention does not allow their use on the battlefield in time of war. Hollow-point bullets don’t just stop or hurt people; they penetrate the body, flatten out, fragment and thus cause maximum damage to the body’s organs. Death often follows.

In an August 15 article, Brett Redmayne-Titley described what hollow-point ammo is used for: “These are bullets designed for one thing—close quarter killing of human beings. American human beings. The double-ought buckshot has limited accuracy, but will cut a man in half at a distance of less than 20′.” DHS has also placed orders for ammonium nitrate and A-5 Flake RDX, which are used to construct bombs.

Adding to concerns is the fact that DHS officials have purchased 9,300 bulletproof checkpoint booths, which many expect will be used on U.S. highways and will be under the control of the Transportation Security Administration, an agency inside the DHS. These booths will be used to monitor the flow of travelers from one point to another.

DHS has attempted to downplay its stockpiles, explaining that the ammunition will be distributed to various offices and training facilities across the country and the explosives will be used for training purposes; but many people are concerned.

But DHS isn’t the only agency acquiring large amounts of ammo. Social Security Administration officials recently acquisitioned 174K rounds of .357 hollow-point bullets, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration requested 46K .40-caliber hollow points, the Federal Bureau of Investigation awarded contracts for 100M rounds of ammo on November 15, 2011, and the Department of Agriculture issued bids for 321K rounds of various ammo types.

Some of these bullets are reportedly “frangible rounds,” which James Smith of the website Activist Post described as being “designed to break apart when they hit walls or other hard surfaces to prevent ricochets during close-quarter combat.”

The total ammunition from all of these governmental agencies comes in at a whopping 1.4B rounds.With only 311M people in the U.S., why would the feds need nearly a billion and a half rounds of ammo, more than three bullets per citizen?

One reason that many commentators point to is November’s upcoming presidential election. For example, some worry that if Barack Obama loses the election, angry mobs of urban blacks, spurred on by Black Panther agitators, would stage riots in cities around the country. Also possible is the expectation of a catastrophic economic collapse, which would likely lead to widespread havoc and increased support for secessionist movements that seek to break up the U.S. Finally, Second Amendment proponents wonder if the government foresees ammunition shortages or a lockdown on manufacturers.

Further perplexing about DHS are a plethora of scandals surrounding this agency.

On June 11, 2010, Washington, D.C. journalist Matthew Harwood in a report published online exposed massive corruption endemic at DHS. The charges included allegations of illicit drugs, illegal alien smuggling, bribes, kickbacks, child pornography and attempted child sex abuse. “These are just some of the crimes DHS employees and contractors were convicted of in fiscal year 2009,” wrote Harwood.

The government can now take everything.you have..

186 Executive Order 13603 - National Defense Resources Preparedness March 16, 2012

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including the Defense Production Act of 1950, as amended (50 U.S.C. App. 2061 et seq.), and section 301 of title 3, United States Code, and as Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States, it is hereby ordered as follows: PART I—PURPOSE, POLICY, AND IMPLEMENTATION Section 101. Purpose. This order delegates authorities and addresses national defense resource policies and programs under the Defense Production Act of 1950, as amended (the "Act"). Sec. 102. Policy. The United States must have an industrial and technological base capable of meeting national defense requirements and capable of contributing to the technological superiority of its national defense equipment in peacetime and in times of national emergency. The domestic industrial and technological base is the foundation for national defense preparedness. The authorities provided in the Act shall be used to strengthen this base and to ensure it is capable of responding to the national defense needs of the United States. Sec. 103. General Functions. Executive departments and agencies (agencies) responsible for plans and programs relating to national defense (as defined in section 801(j) of this order), or for resources and services needed to support such plans and programs, shall: (a) identify requirements for the full spectrum of emergencies, including essential military and civilian demand; (b) assess on an ongoing basis the capability of the domestic industrial and technological base to satisfy requirements in peacetime and times of national emergency, specifically evaluating the availability of the most critical resource and production sources, including subcontractors and suppliers, materials, skilled labor, and professional and technical personnel; (c) be prepared, in the event of a potential threat to the security of the United States, to take actions necessary to ensure the availability of adequate resources and production capability, including services and critical technology, for national defense requirements; (d) improve the efficiency and responsiveness of the domestic industrial base to support national defense requirements; and (e) foster cooperation between the defense and commercial sectors for research and development and for acquisition of materials, services, components, and equipment to enhance industrial base efficiency and responsiveness. Sec. 104. Implementation. (a) The National Security Council and Homeland Security Council, in conjunction with the National Economic Council, shall serve as the integrated policymaking forum for consideration and formulation of national defense resource preparedness policy and shall make recommendations to the President on the use of authorities under the Act. (b) The Secretary of Homeland Security shall: (1) advise the President on issues of national defense resource preparedness and on the use of the authorities and functions delegated by this order; (2) provide for the central coordination of the plans and programs incident to authorities and functions delegated under this order, and provide guidance to agencies assigned functions under this order, developed in consultation with such agencies; and (3) report to the President periodically concerning all program activities conducted pursuant to this order. (c) The Defense Production Act Committee, described in section 701 of this order, shall: (1) in a manner consistent with section 2(b) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2062(b), advise the President through the Assistant to the President and National Security Advisor, the Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism, and the Assistant to the President for Economic Policy on the effective use of the authorities under the Act; and (2) prepare and coordinate an annual report to the Congress pursuant to section 722(d) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2171(d). (d) The Secretary of Commerce, in cooperation with the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of Homeland Security, and other agencies, shall: (1) analyze potential effects of national emergencies on actual production capability, taking into account the entire production system, including shortages of resources, and develop recommended preparedness measures to strengthen capabilities for production increases in national emergencies; and (2) perform industry analyses to assess capabilities of the industrial base to support the national defense, and develop policy recommendations to improve the international competitiveness of specific domestic industries and their abilities to meet national defense program needs. PART II—PRIORITIES AND ALLOCATIONS Sec. 201. Priorities and Allocations Authorities. (a) The authority of the President conferred by section 101 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2071, to require acceptance and priority performance of contracts or orders (other than contracts of employment) to promote the national defense over performance of any other contracts or orders, and to allocate materials, services, and facilities as deemed necessary or appropriate to promote the national defense, is delegated to the following agency heads: (1) the Secretary of Agriculture with respect to food resources, food resource facilities, livestock resources, veterinary resources, plant health resources, and the domestic distribution of farm equipment and commercial fertilizer; (2) the Secretary of Energy with respect to all forms of energy; (3) the Secretary of Health and Human Services with respect to health resources; (4) the Secretary of Transportation with respect to all forms of civil transportation; (5) the Secretary of Defense with respect to water resources; and (6) the Secretary of Commerce with respect to all other materials, services, and facilities, including construction materials. (b) The Secretary of each agency delegated authority under subsection (a) of this section (resource departments) shall plan for and issue regulations to prioritize and allocate resources and establish standards and procedures by which the authority shall be used to promote the national defense, under both emergency and non-emergency conditions. Each Secretary shall authorize the heads of other agencies, as appropriate, to place priority ratings on contracts and orders for materials, services, and facilities needed in support of programs approved under section 202 of this order. (c) Each resource department shall act, as necessary and appropriate, upon requests for special priorities assistance, as defined by section 801(l) of this order, in a time frame consistent with the urgency of the need at hand. In situations where there are competing program requirements for limited resources, the resource department shall consult with the Secretary who made the required determination under section 202 of this order. Such Secretary shall coordinate with and identify for the resource department which program requirements to prioritize on the basis of operational urgency. In situations involving more than one Secretary making such a required determination under section 202 of this order, the Secretaries shall coordinate with and identify for the resource department which program requirements should receive priority on the basis of operational urgency. (d) If agreement cannot be reached between two such Secretaries, then the issue shall be referred to the President through the Assistant to the President and National Security Advisor and the Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism. (e) The Secretary of each resource department, when necessary, shall make the finding required under section 101(b) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2071(b). This finding shall be submitted for the President's approval through the Assistant to the President and National Security Advisor and the Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism. Upon such approval, the Secretary of the resource department that made the finding may use the authority of section 101(a) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2071(a), to control the general distribution of any material (including applicable services) in the civilian market. Sec. 202. Determinations. Except as provided in section 201(e) of this order, the authority delegated by section 201 of this order may be used only to support programs that have been determined in writing as necessary or appropriate to promote the national defense: (a) by the Secretary of Defense with respect to military production and construction, military assistance to foreign nations, military use of civil transportation, stockpiles managed by the Department of Defense, space, and directly related activities; (b) by the Secretary of Energy with respect to energy production and construction, distribution and use, and directly related activities; and (c) by the Secretary of Homeland Security with respect to all other national defense programs, including civil defense and continuity of Government. Sec. 203. Maximizing Domestic Energy Supplies. The authorities of the President under section 101(c)(1)-(2) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2071(c)(1)-(2), are delegated to the Secretary of Commerce, with the exception that the authority to make findings that materials (including equipment), services, and facilities are critical and essential, as described in section 101(c)(2)(A) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2071(c)(2)(A), is delegated to the Secretary of Energy. Sec. 204. Chemical and Biological Warfare. The authority of the President conferred by section 104(b) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2074(b), is delegated to the Secretary of Defense. This authority may not be further delegated by the Secretary. PART III—EXPANSION OF PRODUCTIVE CAPACITY AND SUPPLY Sec. 301. Loan Guarantees. (a) To reduce current or projected shortfalls of resources, critical technology items, or materials essential for the national defense, the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense, as defined in section 801(h) of this order, is authorized pursuant to section 301 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2091, to guarantee loans by private institutions. (b) Each guaranteeing agency is designated and authorized to: (1) act as fiscal agent in the making of its own guarantee contracts and in otherwise carrying out the purposes of section 301 of the Act; and (2) contract with any Federal Reserve Bank to assist the agency in serving as fiscal agent. (c) Terms and conditions of guarantees under this authority shall be determined in consultation with the Secretary of the Treasury and the Director of the Office of Management and Budget (OMB). The guaranteeing agency is authorized, following such consultation, to prescribe: (1) either specifically or by maximum limits or otherwise, rates of interest, guarantee and commitment fees, and other charges which may be made in connection with such guarantee contracts; and (2) regulations governing the forms and procedures (which shall be uniform to the extent practicable) to be utilized in connection therewith. Sec. 302. Loans. To reduce current or projected shortfalls of resources, critical technology items, or materials essential for the national defense, the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 302 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2092, to make loans thereunder. Terms and conditions of loans under this authority shall be determined in consultation with the Secretary of the Treasury and the Director of OMB. Sec. 303. Additional Authorities. (a) To create, maintain, protect, expand, or restore domestic industrial base capabilities essential for the national defense, the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 303 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093, to make provision for purchases of, or commitments to purchase, an industrial resource or a critical technology item for Government use or resale, and to make provision for the development of production capabilities, and for the increased use of emerging technologies in security program applications, and to enable rapid transition of emerging technologies. (b) Materials acquired under section 303 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093, that exceed the needs of the programs under the Act may be transferred to the National Defense Stockpile, if, in the judgment of the Secretary of Defense as the National Defense Stockpile Manager, such transfers are in the public interest. Sec. 304. Subsidy Payments. To ensure the supply of raw or nonprocessed materials from high-cost sources, or to ensure maximum production or supply in any area at stable prices of any materials in light of a temporary increase in transportation cost, the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 303(c) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093(c), to make subsidy payments, after consultation with the Secretary of the Treasury and the Director of OMB. Sec. 305. Determinations and Findings. (a) Pursuant to budget authority provided by an appropriations act in advance for credit assistance under section 301 or 302 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2091, 2092, and consistent with the Federal Credit Reform Act of 1990, as amended (FCRA), 2 U.S.C. 661 et seq., the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority to make the determinations set forth in sections 301(a)(2) and 302(b)(2) of the Act, in consultation with the Secretary making the required determination under section 202 of this order; provided, that such determinations shall be made after due consideration of the provisions of OMB Circular A-129 and the credit subsidy score for the relevant loan or loan guarantee as approved by OMB pursuant to FCRA. (b) Other than any determination by the President under section 303(a)(7)(b) of the Act, the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority to make the required determinations, judgments, certifications, findings, and notifications defined under section 303 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093, in consultation with the Secretary making the required determination under section 202 of this order. Sec. 306. Strategic and Critical Materials. The Secretary of Defense, and the Secretary of the Interior in consultation with the Secretary of Defense as the National Defense Stockpile Manager, are each delegated the authority of the President under section 303(a)(1)(B) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093(a)(1)(B), to encourage the exploration, development, and mining of strategic and critical materials and other materials. Sec. 307. Substitutes. The head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 303(g) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093(g), to make provision for the development of substitutes for strategic and critical materials, critical components, critical technology items, and other resources to aid the national defense. Sec. 308. Government-Owned Equipment. The head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 303(e) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093(e), to: (a) procure and install additional equipment, facilities, processes, or improvements to plants, factories, and other industrial facilities owned by the Federal Government and to procure and install Government-owned equipment in plants, factories, or other industrial facilities owned by private persons; (b) provide for the modification or expansion of privately owned facilities, including the modification or improvement of production processes, when taking actions under sections 301, 302, or 303 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2091, 2092, 2093; and (c) sell or otherwise transfer equipment owned by the Federal Government and installed under section 303(e) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2093(e), to the owners of such plants, factories, or other industrial facilities. Sec. 309. Defense Production Act Fund. The Secretary of Defense is designated the Defense Production Act Fund Manager, in accordance with section 304(f) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2094(f), and shall carry out the duties specified in section 304 of the Act, in consultation with the agency heads having approved, and appropriated funds for, projects under title III of the Act. Sec. 310. Critical Items. The head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 107(b)(1) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2077(b)(1), to take appropriate action to ensure that critical components, critical technology items, essential materials, and industrial resources are available from reliable sources when needed to meet defense requirements during peacetime, graduated mobilization, and national emergency. Appropriate action may include restricting contract solicitations to reliable sources, restricting contract solicitations to domestic sources (pursuant to statutory authority), stockpiling critical components, and developing substitutes for critical components or critical technology items. Sec. 311. Strengthening Domestic Capability. The head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense is delegated the authority of the President under section 107(a) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2077(a), to utilize the authority of title III of the Act or any other provision of law to provide appropriate incentives to develop, maintain, modernize, restore, and expand the productive capacities of domestic sources for critical components, critical technology items, materials, and industrial resources essential for the execution of the national security strategy of the United States. Sec. 312. Modernization of Equipment. The head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense, in accordance with section 108(b) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2078(b), may utilize the authority of title III of the Act to guarantee the purchase or lease of advance manufacturing equipment, and any related services with respect to any such equipment for purposes of the Act. In considering title III projects, the head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense shall provide a strong preference for proposals submitted by a small business supplier or subcontractor in accordance with section 108(b)(2) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2078(b)(2). PART IV—VOLUNTARY AGREEMENTS AND ADVISORY COMMITTEES Sec. 401. Delegations. The authority of the President under sections 708(c) and (d) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2158(c), (d), is delegated to the heads of agencies otherwise delegated authority under this order. The status of the use of such delegations shall be furnished to the Secretary of Homeland Security. Sec. 402. Advisory Committees. The authority of the President under section 708(d) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2158(d), and delegated in section 401 of this order (relating to establishment of advisory committees) shall be exercised only after consultation with, and in accordance with, guidelines and procedures established by the Administrator of General Services. Sec. 403. Regulations. The Secretary of Homeland Security, after approval of the Attorney General, and after consultation by the Attorney General with the Chairman of the Federal Trade Commission, shall promulgate rules pursuant to section 708(e) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2158(e), incorporating standards and procedures by which voluntary agreements and plans of action may be developed and carried out. Such rules may be adopted by other agencies to fulfill the rulemaking requirement of section 708(e) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2158(e). PART V—EMPLOYMENT OF PERSONNEL Sec. 501. National Defense Executive Reserve. (a) In accordance with section 710(e) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2160(e), there is established in the executive branch a National Defense Executive Reserve (NDER) composed of persons of recognized expertise from various segments of the private sector and from Government (except full-time Federal employees) for training for employment in executive positions in the Federal Government in the event of a national defense emergency. (b) The Secretary of Homeland Security shall issue necessary guidance for the NDER program, including appropriate guidance for establishment, recruitment, training, monitoring, and activation of NDER units and shall be responsible for the overall coordination of the NDER program. The authority of the President under section 710(e) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2160(e), to determine periods of national defense emergency is delegated to the Secretary of Homeland Security. (c) The head of any agency may implement section 501(a) of this order with respect to NDER operations in such agency. (d) The head of each agency with an NDER unit may exercise the authority under section 703 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2153, to employ civilian personnel when activating all or a part of its NDER unit. The exercise of this authority shall be subject to the provisions of sections 501(e) and (f) of this order and shall not be redelegated. (e) The head of an agency may activate an NDER unit, in whole or in part, upon the written determination of the Secretary of Homeland Security that an emergency affecting the national defense exists and that the activation of the unit is necessary to carry out the emergency program functions of the agency. (f) Prior to activating the NDER unit, the head of the agency shall notify, in writing, the Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism of the impending activation. Sec. 502. Consultants. The head of each agency otherwise delegated functions under this order is delegated the authority of the President under sections 710(b) and (c) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2160(b), (c), to employ persons of outstanding experience and ability without compensation and to employ experts, consultants, or organizations. The authority delegated by this section may not be redelegated. PART VI—LABOR REQUIREMENTS Sec. 601. Secretary of Labor. (a) The Secretary of Labor, in coordination with the Secretary of Defense and the heads of other agencies, as deemed appropriate by the Secretary of Labor, shall: (1) collect and maintain data necessary to make a continuing appraisal of the Nation's workforce needs for purposes of national defense; (2) upon request by the Director of Selective Service, and in coordination with the Secretary of Defense, assist the Director of Selective Service in development of policies regulating the induction and deferment of persons for duty in the armed services; (3) upon request from the head of an agency with authority under this order, consult with that agency with respect to: (i) the effect of contemplated actions on labor demand and utilization; (ii) the relation of labor demand to materials and facilities requirements; and (iii) such other matters as will assist in making the exercise of priority and allocations functions consistent with effective utilization and distribution of labor; (4) upon request from the head of an agency with authority under this order: (i) formulate plans, programs, and policies for meeting the labor requirements of actions to be taken for national defense purposes; and (ii) estimate training needs to help address national defense requirements and promote necessary and appropriate training programs; and (5) develop and implement an effective labor-management relations policy to support the activities and programs under this order, with the cooperation of other agencies as deemed appropriate by the Secretary of Labor, including the National Labor Relations Board, the Federal Labor Relations Authority, the National Mediation Board, and the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service. (b) All agencies shall cooperate with the Secretary of Labor, upon request, for the purposes of this section, to the extent permitted by law. PART VII—DEFENSE PRODUCTION ACT COMMITTEE Sec. 701. The Defense Production Act Committee. (a) The Defense Production Act Committee (Committee) shall be composed of the following members, in accordance with section 722(b) of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2171(b): (1) The Secretary of State; (2) The Secretary of the Treasury; (3) The Secretary of Defense; (4) The Attorney General; (5) The Secretary of the Interior; (6) The Secretary of Agriculture; (7) The Secretary of Commerce; (8) The Secretary of Labor; (9) The Secretary of Health and Human Services; (10) The Secretary of Transportation; (11) The Secretary of Energy; (12) The Secretary of Homeland Security; (13) The Director of National Intelligence; (14) The Director of the Central Intelligence Agency; (15) The Chair of the Council of Economic Advisers; (16) The Administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration; and (17) The Administrator of General Services. (b) The Director of OMB and the Director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy shall be invited to participate in all Committee meetings and activities in an advisory role. The Chairperson, as designated by the President pursuant to section 722 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2171, may invite the heads of other agencies or offices to participate in Committee meetings and activities in an advisory role, as appropriate. Sec. 702. Offsets. The Secretary of Commerce shall prepare and submit to the Congress the annual report required by section 723 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2172, in consultation with the Secretaries of State, the Treasury, Defense, and Labor, the United States Trade Representative, the Director of National Intelligence, and the heads of other agencies as appropriate. The heads of agencies shall provide the Secretary of Commerce with such information as may be necessary for the effective performance of this function. PART VIII—GENERAL PROVISIONS Sec. 801. Definitions. In addition to the definitions in section 702 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2152, the following definitions apply throughout this order: (a) "Civil transportation" includes movement of persons and property by all modes of transportation in interstate, intrastate, or foreign commerce within the United States, its territories and possessions, and the District of Columbia, and related public storage and warehousing, ports, services, equipment and facilities, such as transportation carrier shop and repair facilities. "Civil transportation" also shall include direction, control, and coordination of civil transportation capacity regardless of ownership. "Civil transportation" shall not include transportation owned or controlled by the Department of Defense, use of petroleum and gas pipelines, and coal slurry pipelines used only to supply energy production facilities directly. (b) "Energy" means all forms of energy including petroleum, gas (both natural and manufactured), electricity, solid fuels (including all forms of coal, coke, coal chemicals, coal liquification, and coal gasification), solar, wind, other types of renewable energy, atomic energy, and the production, conservation, use, control, and distribution (including pipelines) of all of these forms of energy. (c) "Farm equipment" means equipment, machinery, and repair parts manufactured for use on farms in connection with the production or preparation for market use of food resources. (d) "Fertilizer" means any product or combination of products that contain one or more of the elements nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium for use as a plant nutrient. (e) "Food resources" means all commodities and products, (simple, mixed, or compound), or complements to such commodities or products, that are capable of being ingested by either human beings or animals, irrespective of other uses to which such commodities or products may be put, at all stages of processing from the raw commodity to the products thereof in vendible form for human or animal consumption. "Food resources" also means potable water packaged in commercially marketable containers, all starches, sugars, vegetable and animal or marine fats and oils, seed, cotton, hemp, and flax fiber, but does not mean any such material after it loses its identity as an agricultural commodity or agricultural product. (f) "Food resource facilities" means plants, machinery, vehicles (including on farm), and other facilities required for the production, processing, distribution, and storage (including cold storage) of food resources, and for the domestic distribution of farm equipment and fertilizer (excluding transportation thereof). (g) "Functions" include powers, duties, authority, responsibilities, and discretion. (h) "Head of each agency engaged in procurement for the national defense" means the heads of the Departments of State, Justice, the Interior, and Homeland Security, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, the Central Intelligence Agency, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, the General Services Administration, and all other agencies with authority delegated under section 201 of this order. (i) "Health resources" means drugs, biological products, medical devices, materials, facilities, health supplies, services and equipment required to diagnose, mitigate or prevent the impairment of, improve, treat, cure, or restore the physical or mental health conditions of the population. (j) "National defense" means programs for military and energy production or construction, military or critical infrastructure assistance to any foreign nation, homeland security, stockpiling, space, and any directly related activity. Such term includes emergency preparedness activities conducted pursuant to title VI of the Robert T. Stafford Disaster Relief and Emergency Assistance Act, 42 U.S.C. 5195 et seq., and critical infrastructure protection and restoration. (k) "Offsets" means compensation practices required as a condition of purchase in either government-to-government or commercial sales of defense articles and/or defense services as defined by the Arms Export Control Act, 22 U.S.C. 2751 et seq., and the International Traffic in Arms Regulations, 22 C.F.R. 120.1-130.17. (l) "Special priorities assistance" means action by resource departments to assist with expediting deliveries, placing rated orders, locating suppliers, resolving production or delivery conflicts between various rated orders, addressing problems that arise in the fulfillment of a rated order or other action authorized by a delegated agency, and determining the validity of rated orders. (m) "Strategic and critical materials" means materials (including energy) that (1) would be needed to supply the military, industrial, and essential civilian needs of the United States during a national emergency, and (2) are not found or produced in the United States in sufficient quantities to meet such need and are vulnerable to the termination or reduction of the availability of the material. (n) "Water resources" means all usable water, from all sources, within the jurisdiction of the United States, that can be managed, controlled, and allocated to meet emergency requirements, except "water resources" does not include usable water that qualifies as "food resources." Sec. 802. General. (a) Except as otherwise provided in section 802(c) of this order, the authorities vested in the President by title VII of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2151 et seq., are delegated to the head of each agency in carrying out the delegated authorities under the Act and this order, by the Secretary of Labor in carrying out part VI of this order, and by the Secretary of the Treasury in exercising the functions assigned in Executive Order 11858, as amended. (b) The authorities that may be exercised and performed pursuant to section 802(a) of this order shall include: (1) the power to redelegate authorities, and to authorize the successive redelegation of authorities to agencies, officers, and employees of the Government; and (2) the power of subpoena under section 705 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2155, with respect to (i) authorities delegated in parts II, III, and section 702 of this order, and (ii) the functions assigned to the Secretary of the Treasury in Executive Order 11858, as amended, provided that the subpoena power referenced in subsections (i) and (ii) shall be utilized only after the scope and purpose of the investigation, inspection, or inquiry to which the subpoena relates have been defined either by the appropriate officer identified in section 802(a) of this order or by such other person or persons as the officer shall designate. (c) Excluded from the authorities delegated by section 802(a) of this order are authorities delegated by parts IV and V of this order, authorities in section 721 and 722 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2170-2171, and the authority with respect to fixing compensation under section 703 of the Act, 50 U.S.C. App. 2153. Sec. 803. Authority. (a) Executive Order 12919 of June 3, 1994, and sections 401(3)-(4) of Executive Order 12656 of November 18, 1988, are revoked. All other previously issued orders, regulations, rulings, certificates, directives, and other actions relating to any function affected by this order shall remain in effect except as they are inconsistent with this order or are subsequently amended or revoked under proper authority. Nothing in this order shall affect the validity or force of anything done under previous delegations or other assignment of authority under the Act. (b) Nothing in this order shall affect the authorities assigned under Executive Order 11858 of May 7, 1975, as amended, except as provided in section 802 of this order. (c) Nothing in this order shall affect the authorities assigned under Executive Order 12472 of April 3, 1984, as amended. Sec. 804. General Provisions. (a) Nothing in this order shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect functions of the Director of OMB relating to budgetary, administrative, or legislative proposals. (b) This order shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations. (c) This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person. BARACK OBAMA The White House, March 16, 2012.

Divorce

A perfect example of karma.

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.. Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house. Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 of what the house had been worth ... but only if she would sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ..... ... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods! I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU? =

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